How to Discuss Cultural Differences in an Interracial Relationship

Hello beauties!

You fall in love with somebody who comes from a different culture as you. Love, after all, knows no boundaries. With that said, there were sure to be times where there can be opportunities for confusion or misunderstanding. Please understand that if you want your interracial relationship to thrive and be mutually satisfying, you have to confront any situation head on. You don't want to brush things under the rug, or pretend they don't exist.

In this blog post, I'm going to walk you through common questions and issues interracial couples have. This way, you will be prepared to deal with situations as they arise.

What are the possible problems when it comes to interracial relationships?

You fall in love with somebody and you don't care about where they come from, what they look like, and everything else. Love is love. Both of you are feeling passionate, and really excited about your relationship. With that said, it's a good idea to wrap your head around potential issues that may arise because you're dating somebody who comes from a totally different background.

First is our beliefs. Different beliefs, of course, bring to the table different expectations and assumptions. It's a good idea to understand how people of certain groups, on average, tend to think about certain things.

Now, please understand that just because somebody comes from a certain culture doesn't mean that everybody in that culture thinks a certain way. That's wrong. But, it also helps to have a general overview of how people generally look at the world if they come from a certain background. This way, there are no surprises and your relationship is more likely to overcome whatever misunderstandings that may arise in the future.

Second, please understand that stereotyping does occur. As I mentioned above, there is such a thing as general patterns, and this is just how the human mind works. We tend to look at patterns, but this doesn't mean that we have to automatically make judgments based on those patterns.

This is the difference between seeing facts as they are, and stereotyping. Because when you stereotype somebody, you're automatically assuming that just because they come from a certain group, that they behave a certain way, and they think a certain way.

Such stereotypes, of course, are based on some level of truth, but you can't stop there. You have to allow that person to be their own person. In other words, treat them as individuals, but you would be doing yourself no big favors if you assumed that the culture your lover comes from is the same as yours. That's obviously not true either.

Third, be ready for misunderstanding or lack of acceptance from your own circle of friends and family members. Let's face it, human beings are creatures of habit. We tend to fear change, and there's nothing scarier, to a lot of people, than having very close relationships with people who come from very different backgrounds.

So, be prepared for this. And instead of facing it with anger or sadness, understand that people can be convinced, and be prepared to focus on the shared humanity everybody has instead of automatically assuming that your friends are just mean people because they're not approving or accepting at this point.

Fourth, be prepared for just how other's opinions can impact you. At this point, it's very tempting to think that no matter what everybody else says, I'm going to love whoever I want to love you can. You definitely can be commended for that, and I applaud you. But the reality is, people are social beings, and whatever people say, and whatever people do around us, without even saying a word, can and does have an impact.

So, be prepared for this. And so, when you are aware of this, you are strengthening yourself internally for the kind of opposition, possible misunderstanding or irritation that may be around the corner because you've decided to be in an interracial relationship.

Be prepared for people walking past you with a certain look on their face, or people starting to whisper as you walk by with your partner from a different race.

Be aware of danger signs

Please understand that just because you're dating somebody from a different race doesn't mean you are free of any racial misunderstanding. This is crucial to wrap our heads around, because a lot of people think just because they're dating somebody from a certain race, that this automatically means that they're incapable of believing certain falsehoods or mistaken assumptions about that race.

Nobody's immune to this and it goes both ways. So it's important to get this idea out of your head and be on the lookout for it.

The key is communication

Different cultures communicate differently because we have different values, and that's perfectly okay. Cultures are, by definition, different because without this difference, we wouldn't have cultures, that's what they are. They're just basically different solutions from different parts of the world and in different societies, to basically the same problems people all over the world share.

But one thing is clear, though, both of you have to work really hard to communicate as clearly as possible. Because not only are you trying to overcome your difference in gender, but you're also trying to overcome differences in culture, class, and other distinctions that usually divide people.

With better communications comes better understanding

The main reason why a lot of interracial relationships break up is because of a lack of compromise and willingness to understand. There has to be a lot of give and take. This applies across the board. You don't even have to date somebody outside of your "race" to face this challenge. You can date somebody from who looks very similar to you, who you grew up around, and still have issues. What this means is that both of you have to really look at the relationship as not only a blessing, but it's also a set of challenges that exist so you can grow up and mature together.

What counts as an interracial couple?

The funny thing about interracial relationships is that it can be defined in many different ways. First, it can involve biological origin. Somebody can be White, Caucasian, or African Black and Asian. But when it comes to Latino, the racial distinctions actually break down, because there can be white Latinos, black Latinos, it's more of a set of cultural similarities that tend to coalesce around religion, most Latinos are Catholic, and language since most Latinos speak Spanish. But there are a lot of cultural similarities within Latinos and that's what unites them.

Another dimension to an interracial relationship involve mixed race couples. Somebody can be half white and half black dating, somebody who is half Latino and half Asian. This doesn't just apply to the first generation, it could be a mixed person from many different generations.

What is the success rate of interracial marriage in the United States?

According to the 2010 US Pew Research report, 15.1% of marriages in the United States are interracial.

Do cross cultural marriages work?

If you follow the tips above, your chances of success go up tremendously. The bottom line is you have to rely on each other for support, and allow each other enough time and space to grow within the relationship. And instead of looking at relationship challenges as difficulties and ordeals that you have to go through, it's precisely when times get tough, that you get the opportunity to truly figure out what's important, and overcome whatever internal issues you may have or hangups your partner has to make the relationship grow and get stronger.

This involves accepting each other's differences, and really according each other the highest level of respect. The best indicator that a cross cultural marriage will work really boils down to goals. If both partners have the same goal in life, like marriage, children, financial stability, things will work out. Because regardless of the differences you may have in style and personal style and communication abilities, you are both aiming for the same things.

Now, if the other partner's goal is to simply behave like a 50 year old teenager, and the other one wants to truly settle down and have kids and grandkids, that's going to be an issue. Similarly, you have to see eye to eye when it comes to matters of money, career and finance.

Finally, successful cross cultural marriages also have one thing in common. They are equal. In other words, no culture is superior to the other, they accommodate each other and they're both mutually supportive without the need for one partner to totally deny their cultural background.

Xo - Angelica
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